Last week saw the return of the Oakwood Real Ale and Music Festival at Rotherham's Oakwood centre, and I had every intention of making a repeat visit after last year's success. Due to planning issues, some people's lack of CAMRA membership (tut) and what-have-you, we decided to head over for a Saturday afternoon session rather than a rather rushed and drunken Friday.

Turned out to be a good idea in the end, although only a trio of ale lovers made it out. The use of festival tickets to get on public transport proved as useful this year as it did last, and we were soon heading up the long (long, long ...) driveway to the top of the festival. Once in, we got our glasses and headed up to the 'Elvis room' at the top of the hill, for a leisurely roll down to the bottom over the course of the afternoon.

What should greet us in this first room, then, but a selection of breweries from our own dear Shalesmoor Shuffle! Specifically, the Crown Brewery and the Sheffield Brewing Company had a wide selection available, as well as Barsnley's Acorn brewery. Well, where better to start than in familiar territory? A pint of the SBC's Five Rivers followed by a new one from Crown, Laid Marion (fnar, eh?)

For the remainder of the afternoon we staggered about the Oakwood centre sampling many different local and regional delights. The Oyster Stout from Wentworth was surprisingly tasty, even if the oyster flavour was detectable, and the Claife Crier from Cumbrian Legendary Ales took the award for most dangerously drinkable, being a 5% stout but disappearing faster than a stout ever should.

The bars closed for an hour at 5pm, presumably to give everyone a chance to clean up for the busier evening session, so we headed next door to $random_wetherspoons_clone and had some moderately bad food with moderately bad beer. Back to the festival then ...

The evening session was a lot more lively than the afternoon, and we bounced from room to room sampling delights both local and foreign (well, from the midlands). We got told off for wobbling some lighting, we were perplexed that somebody had drunk all the Old Peculiar and I was stunned that they'd put proper doors on a marquee. Ian also expressed dismay that somebody had stolen his idea to grow a moustache for charity. The cads.

Unfortunately, I appear to have lost both my program and my memory, despite Ian offering me insurance on just such an occassion. I know that I tried 13 halves at the festival, but try as I might I can only remember 9 of them. The ones I remember, then, are here:

• Cumbrian Legendary Ales - Claife Crier (5.0%)
• Spire - Sgt. Pepper Stout (5.5%)
• Crown - Laid Marion
• The Sheffield Brewery Company - Five Rivers (3.8%)
• Nobby's - Claridges Crystal (3.6%)
• Nobby's - T'owd Navigation (6.1%)
• Tim Taylors - Ram Tam
• Wentworth - Oyster Stout
• Delirium Tremens (8.50%)

I'm sure I had something from Fullers, and one called Dark Mild, but my rather addled brain just doesn't recall. Still, it was fun, and despite failing completely on the raffle I got myself a natty T-Shirt with the blueprint of a pint glass on it (see inset).

At about this time, we thought it best to move along and have a quiet sit down. We headed to the Hillsborough Hotel for a final couple of pints, although the selection was depressingly light and fizzy. I'm guessing all the good stuff went to Rotherham ... After an hour pratting about taking photographs of beards and throwing beer mats around under the pretence of catching them, we headed home, satisfied and full of brown, sickly liquid. Marvellous.

More pics are available at SimplySpiffing.com, although if I like you, I might show you the special secret photos, which involve 300% more beard.