Through a stroke of good fortune, a pair of tickets for the famous Oakwood Real Ale and Music Festival were on offer at the Hillsborough Hotel quiz, so on Thursday February 15th me and Andy set off on an epic quest. Catching the bus to the neighbouring town of Rotherham, we worked our way to what promised to be a fine night of ale and merriment. With more than 200 ales at 11 bars, 5 live acts on stage and a mascot called 'Baa'sil, it was shaping up to be a good night.

Straight after work (on a school night, no less) we headed to Rotherham town centre on the number 69, then spent a few moments wandering aimlessly up and down Rotherham bus station wondering where on earth the number 25 might stop. Fortunately the bus driver was more than prepared for us lost Sheffielders and helpfully told us where we were supposed to be headed. A few minutes more and we arrived at the doors to the festivities.

After getting in with our freebie tickets, we grabbed our programs, glasses and tokens. The glasses were very nice indeed, and were a perfect fit for my inside pocket. Perfect for keeping it out of the way while between beers! After standing in between the buildings for a moment in awe of the sheer scale of the festival, we decided it'd be for the best if we started at the top. After all, it's always nice to roll down the hill later on.

Bombardier Bus

As we headed up the path, we got to the Wells Bombardier Bus. A short photo op later and the realisation that it was very, very cold outside, we ventured forth to the first indoor bar. As it was Batemans, a fine selection of beers with names made entirely of Xs and Bs were available, but I opted for the wonderful Dark Mild. For a dark beer, it's a light flavour but a bit smokey, and it set my tastebuds to 'Ale' nicely.

Main Hall

While we supped our first half and glanced over the program to see what we might fancy, we took a gander at the various Yorkshire themed posters, stories and jokes pinned up all over the building. These included that classic piece of advice that visitors to Sheffield should acquaint themselves with the history of various pubs, factories, piles of rubble and supermarkets before daring to ask for directions. Andy nodded knowingly at that one, and I smiled guiltily.

Regional Hall

After realising that it'd be a good couple of hours until the entertainment got started in the main hall, we headed through to the Regional Room. What a sight met our eyes! Wentworth, Copper Dragon, Fullers, Timothy Taylor ... all fantastic breweries with fantastic ales, all within falling-over distance. It was for good reason that we christened it the "Good Room"! I immediately threw my plan to start with mild flavours out of the window for a half of Bee Smoked, possibly the finest honey beer I've ever tasted, and Andy went for the Admiral Keppel, a dark malty beer.

Veolia

Next we went into a tiny little room known only as the Veolia bar. We figured it had something to do with chin based string instruments (well, that or meaty pasta), but we were wrong. It turns out that many of the small rooms are specifically sponsored, with employees of the sponsoring companies getting special tickets for the event. The Veolia room housed the Nottinghamshire breweries, none of which I was familiar with. Seeing as I'd ruined my palate (or so I'd thought) I went for the Nimbus stout from the Full Mash brewery. For a 6.2% stout, it was a very refreshing pint and went down dangerously easily.

JNP

More people were arriving by this time, so the previously deserted bars were becoming steadily more full. We headed into the next sponsored bar, the JNP bar, and were quickly blocked in by the ever increasing tide of punters. While chatting about this and that, we bumped into a very nice bloke called Dan, who is apparently running the London marathon this year. After chatting with him and his co-workers for a while, and sampling the wonderful DPA (Derbyshire Pale Ale) from the Peak brewery, along with the Sgt Pepper stout (a favourite of mine from last year) we had a look at one of the many streaming video projections of the rest of the festival. To say the place was heaving would be an understatement so, after finishing off our beer, pocketing our glasses and squeezing through the ever narrowing doorway, we headed off to the magnificent Marquee.

Marquee

The marquee itself was massive, with upwards of 30 pumps along one side and a series of stalls and sideshows along the opposite wall. A stage down the bottom end house a very odd young man with a keyboard singing covers of "VH1-style classics", but it provided some atmosphere so everyone was happy enough.

One of the recommendations Dan made in the JNP bar was the Wharfedale Wild Mild, a mild with a caramel and liqourice flavour. It was a recommendation well made, and it was a very different flavour. The liqourice added a certain bitter sweetness to the mild ale with great effect. With halves in hand, we headed over to grab a copy of the Inn Touch magazine, the Rotherham equivalent of Sheffield's Beer Matters.

While over by the free literature, we happened across a couple of blokes dressed in very strange clothing and a young lady looking very, very normal in comparison. Turns out we were standing in the Camra signing-up queue rather than the Tombola for which we were aiming! What to do, what to do ...

Well, when the man in drag offered a free pint, a copy of the Good Beer Guide, 3 extra months free membership and a 2 quid discount for Direct Debit, I was sorely tempted. He offered to throw in a lapdance, but I respectfully declined. One amount of scribbling and a carrier bag later, both Andy and me were feeling more like we belonged. We were members!

Of course, the tombola was still waiting so we had to have a punt. Turned out to be worthwhile, too, when Andy won a pint glass and I won a pint to put in it!

West Yorkshire

After heading out of the marquee into the West Yorkshire bar for some entertainment, I took the opportunity to relieve myself. Well, I'm used to seeing queues outside the ladies', but the gents' is usually a case of in, business, out. Having to queue out of the door is a rarity indeed. Still, I would imagine that ladies queueing are more ... gentile. There certainly wouldn't be talk of using the sink or the guy in front's back pocket! Having evacuated as fast as possible, I went to get me some music.

The guys on stage were a Rat Pack++ tribute, apparently. Not sure what the ++ means, because it was certainly no increment on the real Rat Pack. Okay, enough of the geek jokes ... They weren't absolutely terrible, so that was a bonus, and a half of the Malt Shovel Mild (yes, another mild!) went down well. The next act, Miss Demeanour, turned out to be a couple of girls, one of whom played the saxophone and the other who wore a very short skirt.

At about this point, the new proprietors of the Hillsborough Hotel (whose names I have embarrasingly forgotten, although they might be Bridget and Andrew?) recognised us and we had a good chinwag about the festival. Apparently the beers were at their peak that night, which is good to know. More importantly, though, the newly restarted Wellington brewery had its latest brew available in the South Yorkshire room. A taste of the Walkley Pale Ale was definitely a requirement.

Thornbridge Cafe Bar

First, though, a spot of tea would be good. I tried to get a couple of pies but none were forthcoming. After a heated debate on whether the chips would be ready soon, whether one or two eggs were optimal on chips, and whether the white stuff in front of us was sugar or salt, I finally ended up sat with a random couple of blokes and a large amount of chips and egg. I'm not sure if it was the hunger, the beer or the atmosphere but it was the best chips and egg I've had for ages. Unfortunately Andy took a little too long and I sort of finished it, but he didn't mind.

South Yorkshire

Once a nice bottle of fresh water and the chips were thoroughly consumed, we decided that it was probably time to consider calling a taxi. Of course, we couldn't do that until we had sampled the Walkley Pale Ale, so into the South Yorkshire bar we went. After the smoother milds I'd been drinking, and especially after pure water, there was a certain distinct, but not at all unpleasant, kick to this new ale. A very nice, and thoroughly original, finish to a good night of beer and randomness.

I think that there's a distinct possibility that we'll be back for this festival next year, especially with our new membership allowing us access to the special nights before the riff-raff are let in. With the possiblity of the Sheffield beer festival being held in the Kelham Island Museum this year rather than the dilapidated St Philips Social Club, as was, and mini-festivals at the various pubs in and around Neepsend, it could be a good 12 months for local Sheffield area festivities.

A short summary of the night's ales, in no particular order, is included for completeness:

• Fernandes - Malt Shovel Mild (Mild, 3.8%)
• Wellington - Walkley Pale Ale (Pale Ale, 3.6%)
• Wharfedale - Wild Mild (Mild, 4.4%)
• Peak - DPA (Pale Ale, 4.6%)
• Spire - Sgt Pepper Stout (Stout, 5.5%)
• Full Mash - Nimbus (Stout, 6.2%)
• Wentworth - Bee Smoked (Honey Beer, 4%)
• Batemans - Dark Mild (Mild, 3%)

As usual, more photographs and larger versions are on simplyspiffing.com